Sexual dissatisfaction is the main reason for divorce in developed countries. These are statistics and, whether you like it or not, if you care about stability, the first thing to do is to take care of your family`s intimate relationship. Some may disagree with this and say that there are many other important things in a family, or consider that marital sex is not that important. So let us have a look at this question.
Depressing Statistics about Divorce Rate
“All happy families are alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” These are the opening lines of the famous novel “Anna Karenina” by Leo Tolstoy. The novel was written in the 1870s; and apparently, in those days, society had a different understanding of “an unhappy family”. This is because it included a large variety of things that neither could be applied to the overall society, nor could be generalized. The end of the previous century and the beginning of this century is another matter. Sociology, a field that knows no passion - along with the many possibilities provided by the internet, and having been lent a hand from psychology – assures us that since the times of Leo Tolstoy, manners have changed and the former morals have been devalued. Families have become relevantly less stable. For example, sixty years ago only 3 % of marriages in Russia ended in divorce. However, the divorce rate has now increased to 45 %. The same situation exists in the USA. In the 1970s, 22 % of marriages ended in divorce in England. By the year 1995, this indicator had gone up to 30 % and since 2009 the number of divorces continues to increase, reaching 5 % growth per annum. A total of 42% of English marriages end in divorce. In the 1970s, 80s and 90s, the divorce rate in Germany was persistently low (three times lower than, for example, in Russia). Things started to change in 2008 and the number of divorces started to increase. In Germany, each year one of a thousand marriages now fails. A total of 48 % of marriages end in divorce in Canada, 38 % in France and 27 % in Japan. It is very apparent that this situation is worth thinking about and discussing.
Where do Lost Hopes Come From?
Sociologists and psychologists worldwide are concerned with the constantly increasing number of divorces, which results in the growth of those with lost hopes and who are heavy-hearted. The accurate work of sociologists and psychologists, in order to identify the reasons behind the life failures of our peers, has led to the discovery of some interesting facts.
Recent social research has indicated that an unsatisfactory sex life is the main reason for divorce in many countries. According to the findings of The Relationship Institute in Los Angeles, an unsatisfactory sex life is the main reason for divorce, ranking higher than different outlooks of spouses on how to spend their free time, financial troubles and even mental health or psychological disorders of one of the spouses.
English scientists, who deal with the analysis of the reasons for divorce, like their American colleagues, have also rank an unsatisfactory sex life as the main reason. Furthermore, they have taken a closer look at other major reasons for divorce in society and have drawn an interesting conclusion - many other major reasons, why spouses end up in a failed marriage, are due to an unsatisfactory sex life. Bad sex infects a marriage, turning off the interest towards one another and making spouses pay less attention to their mates. This leads to a lack of respect and the end of trying to understand what is on their spouse`s mind. As a result, spouses stop talking. As a result, nothing seems the way that it should be. People even tend to stop taking care of their appearance. A farewell to love…
It is interesting that the essential importance of an unsatisfactory sex life has grown among both men and women. The number of men and women who name the lack of a harmonious connection in bed as the main reason for untying the knot is now almost the same. If these numbers are compared with those of the 1970s and 1980s, it can be seen that during that period only10 % men and 3 to 4 % women named an unsatisfactory sex life as the main reason for divorce. This is average data for developed countries.
What about Individual Harmony?
If one of the partners loses interest in their sex life, it is likely that respect and attention will also disappear without even the notice of their spouses. As a result, their relationship may become tiresome and even humiliating. For example, this might happen in the case of one or the other partner deciding for both on the timing and type of sex. They could also deny sex completely as a punishment for something the other has done. This could result in a very bad family atmosphere.
According to research conducted by French scientists, 15 % of couples, whose marriage ended in divorce, made love very rarely, with intervals ranging from a couple of months up to a year. The main reason for the absence of sex was the fact that one or the other denied sex to one`s partner. Inevitably spouses drift apart, and their relationship lacks mutual trust. The average person does not now see his home as a stronghold to be protected, but rather looks at it as a cozy nest. It is a safe place where warmth, love and delight are to be found. However, when this nest loses its status, living together makes no sense anymore. In this type of situation, living together can become tormenting.
If only the lack of harmony was the only issue! It has been found that a person who is not satisfied with their sex life, experiences a 50% decrease in work capacity. It is very common that this person can suffer from depression and thus, in terms of their health and psychological state, this person is automatically moved into the so called “at-risk group”. If this condition is severe, it is possible that this person may be capable of committing a sex crime. In other words, the problem is no longer the problem of a particular individual, but that of the entire society. This is because it affects the safety and quality of life of every member of society. Scientists also pay increased attention to the importance of sex and how it influences one`s health. You can read a special article “The Healthiest Shot of All. Sex, Health and Lifespan” on this subject.
It is possible to argue as much as you want, but the numbers speak louder than any arguments. Analytics are impartial. Kids, housekeeping, comfort, well-being, good traditions…. There is no doubt that all of these things are valuable. However, good, satisfying sex is still the main marital treasure and its importance has increased every year. It is possible that we are becoming more and more egoistical. It is possible that in this world, pleasure has become the most important thing for everyone. It is also possible that other virtues are becoming less valuable. However, it could be that we have simply reached the point where is no place for prejudice and excessive shyness. We have, therefore, learned to “call a spade a spade”. Is it worth making a fuss out of it or moralizing? It probably isn’t worthwhile, because it is not going to change anything. It is necessary to accept that those things are now valuable and must be taken into consideration. If one cares about inner harmony, and is concerned with maintaining a family, these things should be taken into consideration, respected and their importance understood.
I formulate what you really can do, deriving pleasure from the process and not even straining yourself. Of course, I cannot put it into the format of an article. To learn more, read the novel, THE MASK, or The Formula of an Ideal Wife. If you feel that Love is one of your priorities, and you still want the same love you had in the beginning, take the trouble to read the novel. It’s written for women.