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Luxury Cruise, Swinger-Style, Through the Eyes of a Straight Person. A Feast of Love or an Absurdity?

Luxury Cruise, Swinger-Style, Through the Eyes of a Straight Person. A Feast of Love or an Absurdity?

Fort Lauderdale, Florida (a marine port not far from Miami); our cab approaches the ship, Celebrity Silhouette, 16 decks, 1000 feet long; its size and elegance are quite amazing. A Noah’s ark that came from space. Modern cruise ships are unbelievably beautiful.

We’re a little nervous, since it’s our first cruise; we are looking forward to the trip to the Dominicans and Haiti; what lies ahead is a week in paradise we’ve been anticipating for a whole year. Another reason why we’re nervous is that we are neither swingers nor nudists, while this Bliss Cruise is catering primarily for such couples. It’s a clothing optional cruise. We are fairly uninhibited people and we’ve been places, but such cruises are really special; it’s hard to book one, since better cabins go a year in advance. Frankly speaking, we don’t really need to be here, I’m just doing research for my project, I need to see such a cruise from within.

“Let’s leave, please…” whispers my wife, surveying the crowd as we wait for the embarkation. “I don’t want to travel with them. Let’s go back to Miami.”

We seem to be in the wrong place, we had different expectations. It’s too late to back out, though, our luggage is already on board, others press ahead; the mass of bodies carries us inside the ship.

Most of these bodies are elderly and haphazardly dressed. We seem to have taken everything wrong; the cruise has been sold out to the retired farmers’ foundation; that’s our first impression.

We’re uninhibited people, we’ve been to various swinger clubs, vacationed at Cap d’Agde, Desire, so we know full well that most swingers are not at all young; still, the passengers on this cruise seem to be really mature, most people are older than we had expected.

“Relax, you’re under no obligation. Too late now… Look at the bright side. We’re doing research here,” I try to reason with my wife while we walk towards our cabin.

Some ships are bigger than this, yet, according to Travel & Leisure Magazine, this is the most luxuriant one. Inside everything seems top-notch – accommodation, restaurants, customer service, entertainment. We just need to get accustomed to the public and the unusual atmosphere.

We walk into the main restaurant, explore the ship, go up to the top deck to watch the departure... We survey the people we’ll be travelling with for a whole week.

They are all very friendly and welcoming, even though it’s a highly mixed crowd. 1435 couples, by the most part Americans; their average age is 45. Few of them are physically attractive, there’re lots of mature couples, quite a number of older guys with much younger girls and people in wheelchairs; we bump into the first one right away.

“Oh, my God! What is he doing here? On such a cruise?” my wife gasps, staring at him in bewilderment.

“Hush!” I hiss. “Every person has his own sexuality. You don’t want to insult him.”

Our bewilderment gradually subsides. The patrons are not particularly concerned about their appearance; most people don’t care about their physical shape. Still, they all feel comfortable, and for an outsider it’s a great bonus. He won’t feel shy or inhibited, even the one who’s poorly groomed, with a fat or sagging body. I even got an impression that several gym rats, who chanced to be on board, felt a little awkward and looked out-of-place against this background.

The background was, by the most part, nude; guests hung out on the top four decks where everything was allowed, including open sex. Sex hours were regulated, though, with the exception of the top, 16th deck, where you could fuck 24-7.

We were being too fastidious, obviously, and it was our own problem. No one forced us to diet, frequent the gym, look after our skin and body; no one forced us to mind what we wear and how we behave in public. Personal grooming is a personal choice, I know that very well, while my wife had to be reminded.

“Look at these guys, they don’t really care what they look like!” I tried to reason with her as we were walking by a swimming pool. “They just have fun, like little children. They’re all happy and comfortable, irrespective of how old they are and how they look.”

“Well... I guess so,” my wife answered sadly, for she had spent a year at the gym, improving the shape of her buttocks. “Still, it looks... weird.”

She meticulously selected her clothes and underwear, worked with the beauticians and the coaches, she perfected her body and skin, but here it mattered nothing. We walked by a bar and spotted a fat old female freak with I do written on her breasts, and she looked blissfully happy.

...The swimming pool on the 12th deck was crowded, the Jacuzzis were packed with bodies. The music was thundering, the bodies were shaking; it was the daytime disco. The DJ, Tsunami, put on Miami Beats. Fun was gaining momentum. Everything was geared for that.

Discos, shows, theme nights – everything with a sexual swing, naturally; the guests were either naked, half-naked, or dressed in a special style, but the clothes were a mere convention. Seven nights, seven different themes; a lot of people prepared for these events in advance and, frankly speaking, it was quite a sight. A sight to see and to laugh at, providing you don’t care much about body aesthetics.

The first night was the Roman Toga Night; we were all supposed to turn into gladiators or gods.

We walked into an elevator, and the elderly guy, who was sitting in a wheelchair at lunch, was now standing there, supporting himself against the wall. He was wearing a toga and a metal wreath on his head; a crooked smile trembled on his lips; standing was apparently a big effort.

“I’m not sure I want to go to this party,” whispered my wife almost inaudibly; I had no words of encouragement for her, even though I’m in favour of fair treatment of special needs people and I respect the elderly.

It was her choice; the guy was still smiling, while the others were winking at him in a way of encouragement. People are very supportive here.

The second party was in the 1920s style, then came a Wild West Night; I finally got my chance to wear my cowboy hat and boots. I put them on to the grumbling of my wife who still couldn’t dissociate herself from real life. Yes, she was young and beautiful, she looked very different from the other guests, but no one cared about her lovely body and refinement, they were just having fun at these theme nights. On the fourth night everyone had blinking lights and luminescent straps on, on the fifth they wrapped themselves in scotch tape and clingfilm, on the sixth dressed in a fetish style, on the seventh everyone turned into Father Christmases, elves and Snow Maidens. They shrieked, roared with laughter, splashed, danced, roamed around... The right things to do since they came here to have fun.

...There were lots of very unsophisticated people on that cruise, simply dressed, with no table manners – they slurped, neglected the knives, licked their fingers and popped them into their mouths... But they were nice and friendly, and for them Village People Dance Party was arranged. The cruise offers entertainment to cater to all tastes and social strata; special socials are organized to make it easier for the guests to meet each other.

These socials, each geared for a particular target group, are called Meet and Greet Sessions. They go on all the time, giving each and every one a chance to find a partner.

There’re special sessions for those who are below 30 (I haven’t seen any), for those below 45, for those who’re over 45, and for the seniors. That’s the age division, but some socials are based on other criteria.

Nudists, soft swap swingers, full swap swingers, interracial couples, Bi-couples, Germans, Latinos, those who want to meet a single (Hall Pass), women with lesbian inclinations (gays are on a different cruise) – these were the special interest groups for the guests.

It’s not that each and every one was taking the cruise for the sake of sex, but a lot were, and this system of introductions was very helpful, since even those who were new to all these experiments, who felt awkward and had a poor command of English could come to a social and just smile to the people they fancied. That was the strategy recommended by the organizers. You always had a chance to find the right partner.

Those who didn’t want to waste their time could enjoy Couples Speed Dating. Those who attended such events would meet twenty nine couples in one hour. The chance of meeting someone nice was very high, providing you discarded your inhibitions and wouldn’t get too picky.

Some people chose a simpler strategy. There was a special advertising board; you could clip an ad with an offer of fun in bed to it. Similar offers were pinned to the cabin doors; each couple had a special clipboard. You never knew who would answer your ad, but most people didn’t seem to be particularly fastidious. Let’s Close the Deal & Play! was the name of one of the seminars on this cruise; people seemed very eager to have some fun.

…You didn’t have to spend your time on the introductions. If you just wanted sex, introductions could be omitted. Apart from private cabins, there were four common areas for mass pleasure (Play area & rooms). One of them, at the very top, on the 16th deck, was open round the clock, the other three from 10 PM to 2 AM. Huge couches (either with partitions or fully exposed), sites for regular and group sex, an endless supply of clean towels, upper pills, condoms, lubricants… everything is accounted for; people who run this cruise definitely know their business.

You can have sex in public, change partners, take part in a groupie, fuck in a swimming pool or a Jacuzzi… watch the others and show yourself off in the merry game of love. Here, same as everywhere else, everything is uninhibited, unrestrained and cheerful.

…We dress the way we’re expected to dress, bathrobes over the naked bodies, walk into the largest sex area and bump into an elderly couple making love. Both are in their seventies, the lady is prancing enthusiastically atop her partner. The guy, sprawled under her, with bulging eyes, breathes heavily; people next to them puff, groan, moan and gasp as they make love. I look into the grandma’s eyes, glance into the grandpa’s eyes… I’m actually a little perplexed; on the other hand, I hope we could all be so active at their age.

“Let’s get out of here,” hisses my wife.

“I guess we can only congratulate them,” I answer and leave, not too reluctantly.

With much less enthusiasm, we walk into the BDSM studio: two big black ladies are being entertained by white guys. One of the ladies is wearing a strap-on, the other one, blindfolded, crawls on all fours… It’s so revolting that we don’t linger. We are fairly ignorant, since we have not attended any of the seminars on this topic; but still, flesh is flesh, and meat is meat. Once again I have to agree with my wife who prefers sensuous sex.

For those who want to improve their sexuality during the cruise, there’s a huge choice of lectures, seminars, training sessions.

First of all, and this is really important, there’re workshops for the novices, those who have just become swingers. The master description of the cruise contains detailed suggestions. The seminars cover a wide range of topics. How to become a swinger, how to stay sexy; fetish, erotic hypnosis, pair and tantric massage, sex for seniors, potency improvement, enhanced orgasm, better vagina… The last seminar is called How to Make Good Pussy Better, and it was featured more than once on the schedule; apparently, it’s a topical issue, or, perhaps, the quality of training was good.

BDSM workshops are dedicated to bondage, whipping, domination, Grey lifestyle, if you find life without a whip too boring.

I must admit that we didn’t go to any of these sessions, so I can’t assess their quality; what’s obvious though is that people who organize the cruise know their business; whoever wanted to improve their sexual qualifications had all the means to do so.

Almost three thousand people from all over the world, a very mixed crowd, unsophisticated, well-off, unorthodox. An orthodox person would feel out of place here. You need to be a special person to make fun, frolic, fuck and make fun like that, totally unabashed by your far-from-perfect body... We were definitely strangers at that feast of life – I’m sure you’ve already gathered that much.

Towards the end of the cruise my wife’s spirits sank completely; she even refused to dress up as a fairy, even though she looked stunning in the dress we’d brought from half across the world.

I failed to persuade her that, in the interests of my research, we needed to relax and join the party. It would have been better to describe it from within, not from the outside.

Hopefully, in 15—20 years from now, if the world doesn’t go completely mad and my wife becomes more uninhibited, we’ll catch the right spirit and have great time here. Then, hopefully, I’ll write a better review; I hope I haven’t disappointed anyone with this one.

Actually, if you’re in your late forties, you’re easy-going, not particularly fastidious, speak English and love socializing, if you’re financially comfortable and want to introduce a fresh streak to your intimate life, you will definitely enjoy such a cruise. You don’t have to worry about your age or your physical shape, no one cares; anyone is welcome, just relax and have fun.

If you like my way of thinking or my style of writing in general, you might enjoy reading my novels, novellas, and short stories or others articles on this theme.

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If you like my way of thinking or my style of writing in general, you might enjoy reading serie of my books on this theme.
“Looking Through the Curtains”

The Series of 8 Collections of Erotic Stories

“Looking Through the Curtains”

200 illustrated sex stories that will wake up your erotic fantasies.
The Series is divided into 8 Collections; each Collection includes 25 short stories.

read more

Thematic Books

The Series of 8 Collections of Erotic Stories

“Looking Through the Curtains”

200 illustrated sex stories that will wake up your erotic fantasies.
The Series is divided into 8 Collections; each Collection includes 25 short stories.

read more

Thematic Articles

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About the Author

Contemporary outlook on intimate relations between men and women. Love, sex, freedom, restrictions. That is the sphere of my interests both as a writer and philosopher. I analyze, write, rationalize, offer solutions. Solutions for happiness, love quests and love preservation, solutions that help to enjoy life.

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Combination of hot eroticism with modern philosophy. It arouses, excites and opens up your mind. I deliberately provoke my readers.

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Apps that will help to improve your sex life, meet your people and have successful dates, avoid monotony in family sex and rekindle the faltering love.

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