Is it inevitable that, as time goes by, Love remains, but ardor goes? It’s a topical issue for many people, for, in most cases, that’s the scenario. What happens in real live is not always what we have been dreaming about.
What happens in real life?
Let’s imagine a couple, once in love. It’s a typical situation. The beginning was, as a whole, beautiful and sensuous. Unquenchable desire, the urge to always be together, impatience, mutual attraction on the verge of recklessness.
And now they’ve been together for three years; they might still love each other, but, most probably, their love is not the same. It’s not the same as in their early years, not the one they once hoped for, not the one they actually deserve. Ardor is almost gone, and sex only happens occasionally. The days when they reveled in each other are gone, their nights of madness are in the past, they don’t dream about making love every day, the way it was in the beginning. The same thing happens to almost all the couples that live together for quite a while.
What happens next is always more or less the same: divorce, adultery or sex-aging, because of the lack of intimate life: as they say, a function creates an organ, and when the function is not there… you want it less, and less often. It’s a natural thing, and there’s not much we can do about it: whatever doesn’t develop, degrades.
Well, so, you would possibly ask. Is it definite, inevitable and hopeless?
For the majority of people, the answer is yes.
It doesn’t mean though that everything will be completely despondent, that people will lose their love; love will still be there, but it will look more like friendship, and even that is the best-case scenario. Look around, read the works by sexologists, take a rational look at the world around you and, I believe, you will agree with me.
Don’t take me for a pessimist, for I don’t want to either make you sad or spoil the romance of your relationship. I just think there’s something wrong about it, it shouldn’t be so. Ardor shouldn’t die with years; it’s bad when sex in the family dies out, it’s a disgrace when people get divorced, and their dreams of long life together get ruined.
It’s certainly wrong!
It’s hard to reconcile with it, and something is to be done; however, there doesn’t seem to be a straightforward solution. Psychologists and sexologists write a lot about this issue, and still the number of divorces keeps going up, while adultery turns into a norm. It’s either the crisis of the family or an expression of personal freedom, or some sort of a contemporary gimmick, but a lot of people fail to harmonize their lives, while it’s not the greatest thing in the world to bring up a kid in a one-parent household.
I’ve had my share of it, and I’ve been trying to resolve the problem for ten years. The result of my analysis is the following: we should take sex more seriously. The moment a loving couple begins to neglect the intimate part of their life, the days of their ardor are numbered. That involves both the psychological aspects of the relationship, the hormonal processes in our bodies and… the intellectual part, for intellect always demands novelty.
The Solution Is in Our Heads
Let’s leave out the psychology of the relationship and the hormonal processes, for these are separate, very special subjects we’ll look into later, but as for the intellect… it won’t take long to deal with it, since it’s rather straightforward. As we all know, we make love in our heads, not through the friction of our private parts – I mean quality, sensuous sex, the one that’s linked to Love.
So, emotionality, sensuality, novelty, color… or, on the other end of the scale, boredom, satiation, routine, apathy… That’s what the intellectual part of sex is about. And there’s a lot to be done to improve it, for it’s much less obscure than psychology and hormones, and the impact is quite immediate. Every person and every couple has a great potential here, and it doesn’t require the help of experts. None of us is doomed to lackluster love, as long as we have the right understanding of Love and want to preserve ardor in the relationship.
What to do?
Personally, I have a very clear picture of what can and has to be done in order to make love, the one you initially shared, last; I want to share my know-how.
Psychologists would talk about blocks, complexes and inhibitions. They might even help you deal with them.
Sexologists would explain what happens to your hormones and physiology within a long-term relationship, and would possibly prescribe medication.
To learn more, read my novel, THE MASK, or The Formula of an Ideal Wife. If you feel that Love is one of your priorities, and you still want the same love you had in the beginning, take the trouble to read the novel. It’s written for women.
It's available at Amazon.com online store: