Infidelity and adultery is a modern disaster that is typical in most developed countries.
Should adultery be justified or should one fight against it? How do you deal with adultery and what should be done to avoid it? Is adultery on the decline? Let us try to understand these complicated questions.
Massive debauchery as the current reality
It is true that the statistics about this subject vary and it is a complicated matter. However, all studies clearly show that adultery in developed countries is a strong tendency, which is becoming more and more popular. I am not going to provide data, since the Internet is already full of it. However, I want to point out the following: the percentage of unfaithful husbands and wives has been above 50% for a long time. In addition, women have not only caught up with men, but in some areas the number of unfaithful women is higher.
Many people consider infidelity to be the norm. As a result, they no longer see it as something that is worthy of blame. For example, the extramarital dating site Gleeden has reached the following conclusion: “In Belgium, infidelity is no longer considered to be the reason for divorce. Your husband has cheated on you? So what? Cheat on him or get divorced! Having a lover is now considered to be almost a norm and a great antidepressant.” This is a very common tendency in most developed countries.
Americans are possibly the only ones who still try to moralize on this topic and disapprove of those who have cheated on their partners. Many consider it to be puzzling, but, for example, the French just find it funny. Here is an illustrative example – the story of Clinton and the French President Francois Hollande, who recently changed his girlfriend. The infidelity of the first led to public humiliation on the verge of impeachment. However, the second did everything he wanted quietly, and did not even intend to justify his actions. The French, in general, are considered to be leaders in the field of debauchery, and they consider such actions to be bold rather than indecent. The condemnation of adultery by Americans is more for show, than the actual norm in life. In reality, they are the world`s leaders when it comes to sex on the side.
The theme of infidelity is very popular among researchers. As a result, there is a large variety of data that allows one to “look under the covers” of lovers. For example, according to statistics, most married men cheat on their wives with married women (and vice versa, of course). The cheaters most often find the lover at work and the lovers prefer having sex at his or her place. Therefore, when it comes to infidelity, everything is cynical and simple, without unnecessary and useless conventions.
The conclusion is simple as that – sexual immorality is becoming the norm. Most people cheat on their partners and the number of cheaters is growing. People are not afraid of God, and they ignore morality. Many have only one fear – the fear of being caught. Statistics show that this fear is the only thing that holds decent people back from being unfaithful.
You may be indignant if you want, you may complain if you want, but this is the current reality.
What is the cause of this “virus” – infidelity?
Why do people cheat, and what is the reason for infidelity? A number of studies have been conducted on this subject, for both men and women, because the reasons for men and women differ. There are tables and ratings revealing intersexual differences. For men, the main reason is a lust for adventure and hunting. For women, it is for romance and the desire to gain the attention that they lack in the relationship with their husbands.
I am sure that, in fact, those are not the reasons, but explanations. The real reason is different. We are increasingly becoming a consumer society, the freedom of individuality is very important and the basic philosophy of life is selfishness. I consider this to be the reason for infidelity. The value of family, as it used to be, has lost its importance. People now consider fun to be the most important thing in life. This is the main criterion of success for the modern individual and is their basic philosophy and the basis of their mentality. This is the explanation for the rapid growth of cheating among women who not long ago were “respectable”. Romance is more imagined than real. It is like a seasoning for a savory dish. It is actually nothing more than a play on words to justify debauchery. Women have simply become completely equal to men and they have become independent. Time affects everyone. Ladies also want to enjoy life, and as it is known, sex is the greatest pleasure of life. That`s it –you need to spread your legs. Cynical? Unfortunately, yes. But this is the way it is.
Everyone simply wants to enjoy life vulgarly; after all, it is the 21st century.
A sober look at bad things
In fact, it is a very important question. There is nothing good about adultery. Infidelity often leads to tragedies, destroys families, breaks the faith and often causes crime. Of course, we do not live in the days of Anna Karenina. However, we all are familiar with many sad stories that are caused by infidelity. It is no wonder that psychologists give advice on this topic. The Internet is full of advice with articles such as: “How to Survive Infidelity”, “What to Do to Achieve that Your Family Life is The Same After Betrayal”, “How to Forgive,” “How to Track Down”, “How to Take Revenge”… People try to find answers to similar questions, they dream, they suspect and they suffer. Of course, many can be understood.
I think that most Belgians are hypocrites and I am not sure if all French are so indifferent to adultery. A person by nature is an individual who seeks a couple, and by the nature a person is an owner. Who is going to give away his “property” so calmly or accept that he is “second rate” in bed? People have simply learned to step over themselves, and seek justification, mixed with “democracy”, “independence” and “freedom of an individual”. We also justify homosexuality, and in some places people tolerate sex with animals. However, it does not change the point of the matter. The laws of nature remain the laws of nature, and no one can fool nature. No wonder that there are so many tragedies connected with adultery.
So, what should be done? How should one deal with infidelity, can it be prevented, and should one take infidelity to heart? Accept it or fight against it? These questions are on the minds of many people who support fidelity.
Such an approach is not entirely correct. Relax or do something – this is the correct approach when it comes to seeking a solution to infidelity. Let us try to formulate two formulas of family strength in this way.
Relax and gain pleasure
Accepting means suffering and feeling disagreement in the soul. Relaxing means becoming a Belgian soul. With such an approach, a couple has complete democracy in the American sense of it. It is a fetish, it is absolute, and it is the basic criterion. Nobody belongs to anybody and a person is free from the very beginning. Any forms of coercion, humiliation or censure are not allowed under this principle. If one of the partners does not have enough satisfaction in a sexual relationship, and if his masculine (feminine) nature lacks the energy of the opposite sex, then he has the right to seek this energy on the side. That is strictly mutual. Both partners have equal rights to adultery.
This may well be, and it can be considered the real “Belgian way.” However, there is one but. It is not recommended to flaunt these infidelities in front of each other. Selfishness is a delicate thing - one should not touch it if not needed. If one comes home late – “got stuck in a traffic jam”, “had a business meeting”, or some other explanation, suggesting mutual “trust” to each other with no questions asked, there is no suspicion and none lurks. As a result, everything may be just comfortable if the details of the debauchery are left out. Read what Osho said about love and freedom, his ideas are well told. Make your own mantra of love that will help you take some liberties; enjoy the free ride of your personal life, who knows maybe you will succeed in this.
Love without debauchery. Is it possible?
In fact, not everyone is capable of a relationship without duplicity and a taste of bitterness. Secretly cheating is different than accepting that someone else “uses” your “soul mate”. It often goes hand in hand with scandals, neuroses and spilt personality. In such a case, there is only one way – make sure that this “soul mate” of yours never wants anyone else except you, and that means working on yourself and your relationship. Yes, indeed – working. Cheating is usually due to the urge to find something new. A person is an intellectual being and it is natural for a person to yearn for something new. When this urge to yearn for something new disappears, it only means one thing– old age is coming. This primarily refers to sex. One who does not want his partner to cheat on him, should never stay the same, should constantly change, and should always leave something new for the partner to discover. Women, who want to be the only ones for their husbands, should be clearly aware of this. They need to pay attention to their own sexuality and sexual attraction, and they should move in this direction. There is no other way. In the article “How to lead HIM stay with you always. 10 practical tips for women who evaluate stability”, I suggest ways on how to achieve this.
Things are more complicated for men. They constantly need to admire, to show their attention and to prove that they are the best. Love is a game, and there is nothing that you can do. However, the most important thing is diversity in marital sex. Women have now become more active when it comes to intimate life. They want to give pleasure and gain pleasure. If men do not want to share their loved ones with other men, they need to work hard. This involves searching for something new, pleasant experiments, rejecting the ordinary, having a desire to revel his women deeper, playing along with her and intriguing and surprising her. You have to do is turn your marital sex into art. In the article “Marital sex. 12 steps to paradise or bringing variety to the bedroom” I suggest in which direction one can develop and move.
Boredom in bed is the main enemy of stability in a relationship, and the forerunner of adultery. Both men and women should always keep this in mind if they want their relationship to be faithful.
That is not easy, is it? Of course, it is not easy if you look at it as a job. However, if you look at it as a game or a hobby, it starts to seem much more tempting. In that case, you should turn your marital sex into a mutual hobby, play, collect the pleasures you gain, become sex-gourmets, experts and be beyond competition. Then your second half will not even think about being unfaithful.
I formulate what you really can do, deriving pleasure from the process and not even straining yourself. Of course, I cannot put it into the format of an article. To learn more, read the novel, THE MASK, or The Formula of an Ideal Wife. If you feel that Love is one of your priorities, and you still want the same love you had in the beginning, take the trouble to read the novel. It’s written for women.
It's available at Amazon.com online store: